How to Create Believable Romantic Tension Between Characters – Writing Tips from Kyra Radcliff

Not to be confused with sexual tension, which is but a subset, romantic tension is a lot, lot more – the tug of heartstrings, the push-and-pull of attraction and conflict arising out of the interaction of lovers. As the word “tension” implies, there’s a great deal of stress involved, manifesting itself in several ways, predominantly emotional rather than physical. Most importantly, true love transcends sexual tension; emotions run rampant, desires are overwhelming and every aspect of one’s being goes out of kilter.

The Root of Romantic Tension

But what is the root of romantic tension? What causes the heart to flutter, then stampede? Strange and unfamiliar sensations rock our world and transport us to hitherto unknown heights of euphoric delight, yet trample on every preconceived notion of the four-letter word “love.”

I am going to explore with you the whys and wherefores of romantic tension in real life, and how these apply to writing a good romance. Particularly, the techniques writers can use to engage the reader, and get them to feel the protagonist’s deepest fears, joys and heartfelt happiness at the end of an ultimately satisfying journey.

Emotional vs. Sexual Tension: Key Differences

First, one must understand the age-old differences between the sexes, or between two humans regardless of gender identity. It’s not that romantic tension cannot exist between two members of the same sex or between like-minded individuals, but that individuality necessitates differences – in outlook, experiences, attitudes, and most importantly, what one seeks in a mate. Unfortunately, what applies in the conscious mind doesn’t always translate into the heart’s reaction.

IRL (In Real Life), our reactions to the world surrounding us, and the people therein, are based on our experiences and character. In other words, nurture and nature play important parts in how we react to others. Biases will exist. Traumatic events from the past will have an impact, sometimes powerfully so. Penchants or likes, as well as strong dislikes, will form the basis of all our future interactions.

Where it comes to romance, there are two equally integral aspects of tension – the emotional and the physical. Of course, it is entirely possible for asexual romantic tension to develop, but we won’t be discussing this today.

Let’s consider the physical aspects of romantic tension, i.e., sexual tension, first. The draw of carnal pleasures is stronger, appeals to our baser instincts, and tends to precede an emotional connection that takes time. There are several signs at the onset – heart beating faster, nerve endings jangling, quickening pulse, and the urge to touch and be touched. These sensations differ between individuals, and it's essential to depict these differences in your characters.

Creating Physical Attraction in Your Story

Physical Aspects of Romantic Tension

Personal characteristics profoundly influence not just how physical attraction is experienced but also how one responds to it.

Let’s consider the physical aspects of romantic tension, i.e. sexual tension first. The draw of carnal pleasures is stronger, appeals to our baser instincts and tends to precede an emotional connection which takes time. There are several signs at the onset– heart beating faster, nerve-endings jangling, quickening pulse, and the urge to touch and be touched. These sensations differ between individuals, and it’s essential to depict these differences in your characters.

Sexual experience plays a significant role in how physical sensations are perceived. For those new to these feelings, such as a virgin, the sensations might be unfamiliar and could range from discomfort to wonder, depending on their personal nature and past experiences. Mistrust can heighten the tension: a person who has been hurt before might find it difficult to interpret physical attraction as a positive sign, leading to conflict between their feelings and their reactions—anger, either self-directed or outwardly expressed, is not uncommon.

Even those who are inexperienced may more readily accept physical attraction and act on it. However, it's important to remember that each individual is unique. Personal characteristics profoundly influence not just how physical attraction is experienced but also how one responds to it.

Building Emotional Tension Between Characters

Emotional tension comes directly from both connection and conflict, with the manifestations likewise dependent on past experiences and nature of the individual. The difference between emotional and physical, i.e. sexual tension, is profound and separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

We are sentient beings, tend to process, sometimes overthink our perceptions, creating a reality unique to ourselves and the world surrounding us. Let’s not forget, every person’s perception of the world is different to the other. The fallacy, of course, is the belief that we are in control of emotional and physical reactions to our fellow beings.

Unfortunately, we can only control our actions.

Tips for Writing Believable Romantic Tension

 Start with Physical Sensuality

Create Initial Sparks: Begin with subtle physical interactions—an exchanged glance, a brush of hands, or a deliberate touch. These moments should gradually build in intensity, from innocent to intimate.

Show Progression: Ensure these physical cues evolve and become more significant, drawing the reader into the growing sensual tension.

Use Inner Thoughts for Emotional Reactions

Convey Feelings: Use characters' inner thoughts to reveal their emotional responses to physical interactions. This helps readers understand how physical attraction translates into deeper emotions.

Build Characters and World Early

Show, Don’t Tell: Develop characters through their actions and interactions rather than explicit backstory. For example, show a character’s flirty nature through dialogue, and reveal past trauma through flashbacks or conversations.

Gradual Revelation: Introduce character details in small doses to create emotional investment. Avoid dumping backstory all at once; let it unfold naturally.

Depict Emotional Attraction and Tension

Highlight Positive Traits: Showcase features, attitudes, and actions that draw characters to each other.

Show Contrasts: Demonstrate tension through contrasting traits, such as conflicting values or behaviours that create friction.

Avoid Cliches in Gestures

Opt for Subtlety: Instead of overused gestures like sending flowers or gifts, use small, personal details—like remembering favourite drinks or habits—to show emotional connection.

Engage with Banter: Use witty, engaging dialogue to illustrate attraction and maintain reader interest. Ensure that conversations flow naturally and align with character personalities.

Develop Conflict and Chemistry Over Time

Evolve Relationships: Ensure that both conflict and attraction grow and shift throughout the story. Show how the chemistry between characters deepens and how their relationship matures.

Include Setbacks: Introduce challenges and conflicts that test and develop the relationship. This adds depth and keeps readers emotionally invested.

Unique Conflict Dynamics

Create Unique Situations: Add complexity to conflicts—such as family feuds, differing relationship goals, or professional rivalries—to make the tension feel authentic and compelling.

Ensure Consistent Character Arcs

Show Emotional Growth: Reflect how characters change and grow emotionally in response to the evolving relationship and conflicts. Each interaction should reveal more about their development and deepen the bond.

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Crafting a Satisfying Romantic Journey

Conflicts are essential in a romance to ensure the eventual HEA (Happily Ever After) is satisfying. These can take the form of a sudden discovery of hidden motives, an overheard conversation, or maliciousness from tertiary characters. As the relationships develop, conflict and sexual attraction should not only persist but evolve, keeping the reader engaged.

The conclusion of your story must be satisfying. The coming together of lovers to avow their eternal devotion should not be rushed. Enjoy the process of writing this, and remember that romantic tension, when done right, will flow with the narrative, be consistent with the characters, and demonstrate their evolution.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my musings. Please let me know what you think.

Be well.

Love,
Kyra Radcliff